Dr. Katiah Llerena, PhD

Ugh, why are you walking so slowly? Why are you still talking? Why haven’t you done what I asked? How long does it take to get things done around here? Why can’t you do things right? These are just some of the thoughts that go through our mind when we are impatient. Sure, the lady at checkout is moving at a glacial pace and you have somewhere to be, so you have a right to be a little tense.

Sometimes impatience is a little more serious. Why won’t my business take off? – I should give up! Why hasn’t she called? – She’s probably cheating on me. I can’t afford that car yet, but I deserve it and I work so hard. – I’m just going to buy it! Why isn’t this report ready? – I’d better tell my co-worker what’s what!

Does any of this sound familiar?

We all grapple with impatience at various moments in our lives. While it’s natural to feel impatient at times, letting it govern our reactions can result in hasty decisions that affect us and those around us negatively. Uncontrolled impatience can disrupt harmonious relationships, hinder career progression, and exacerbate feelings of anxiety, depression, and stress. More alarmingly, it can sometimes make us abandon crucial life goals. Therefore, cultivating patience is essential for our mental well-being and achieving sustained success.

How can we cope with or deal with impatience? The first step is awareness.

1. Assess situations and triggers that lead to impatience. For example, are you more impatient with certain people, during particular activities, at certain times, or in certain places?
2. Assess the negative consequences caused by your impatience. For example, if certain people at work are triggers, do some team members avoid you because of your short fuse and bad temper? How does it affect your relationships with significant others and friends?
3. Determine how impatience affects your emotional functioning. Does it lead to more anger, sadness, anxiety, or guilt?
4. Assess the thoughts associated with your impatience. Is your belief that others are incompetent? That you deserve the highest of standards? That others are selfish?

After you develop a deep awareness of where your impatience stems from, make a plan for change and commit to it. Some strategies for change include:

• Breathing! Take deep, slow breaths, and count to 10. This will slow your heart rate and relax your body. It also distances you emotionally from the situation. Repeat this process several times until you feel your body relax a bit. 
• Scanning your body. Impatience can cause your muscles to tense. Take deep breaths and focus on scanning your body and relaxing your muscles, from your toes up to the top of your head.
• Balancing your thoughts around the source of your impatience. Are there other ways to interpret the triggering situation? Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) can work to help you think more flexibly and act in more adaptive ways.
• Using coping statements or mantras that promote patience and a sense of calm. This includes mantras like “breathe,” “I can stand this,” “patience,” “this too shall pass,” “breathe in serenity, exhale impatience.”
• Embracing imperfection. Recognize that you can’t control everything and that everyone, including you, has flaws. Remember, your impatience won’t always speed things up or improve outcomes.
• Being mindful. It can help you reduce stress and manage negative feelings of anxiety and impulsivity associated with impatience. Diffuse it and add a coping statement; for example, you can acknowledge where in your body you feel impatient and then tell yourself, “Oh, yeah. Here I am feeling impatient. That’s ok. Breathe in serenity, exhale impatience.”
• Fueling yourself. Physical factors can lead to impatience, such as hunger (you know, feeling hangry), dehydration, or fatigue. Listen to your body; sometimes, all you need is a snack and some water!

In today’s fast-paced world, we all encounter moments of impatience, affecting not only our well-being but our relationships and aspirations. Recognizing and understanding these moments is the foundation of transformation. Whether it’s by taking deep breaths, embracing the beauty of imperfection, practicing mindfulness, or simply addressing our physical needs, there are powerful strategies at our disposal to navigate these feelings. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and other therapeutic approaches offer further avenues for cultivating patience, ensuring we don’t let fleeting feelings dictate our lifelong paths. Let’s remember: the journey of self-awareness and growth is a marathon, not a sprint. Prioritizing patience not only enhances our mental well-being but paves the way for enduring success.

Disclaimer: This blog post is intended for informational and educational purposes only and does not replace individualized advice or therapy from a qualified mental health provider. If you’re facing a psychological issue, consult with a qualified mental health professional for diagnosis and treatment tailored to your specific needs.

By Katiah Llerena, posted on June 19, 2017; updated on October 5th, 2023